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Kink And Sexuality Terms
Intro
This terms list is intended to give you a quick reference for terms or phrases you might see when interacting with the kink/BDSM community. This isn’t an all encompassing list, but it is certainly an excellent attempt. Rather than give terms in isolation, this list attempts to contextualize and pair off terms to give a better understanding of them.
Keep in mind, over time phrases evolve and they can mean different things. Someone from a different generation might mean something else when they are saying it, this can also be different regionally, or even just an individuals different way of defining themselves. This doesn’t mean they are wrong, just that they are doing it a little different and that’s okay! When you are unsure, it’s always best to ask rather than outright correcting someone.
All definitions are given with neutrality, some of these topics may not be positively received or regarded by the community or many individuals.
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Consent
Consent – Consent or permission for something to happen or to do something. Necessary and required for all kink and sexual activities. Consent can also be revoked at any time, including during a scene, for any reason, given or not.
Informed Consent – Agreeing to do a kink activity when one is fully informed of all of the risks and factors involved. If someone is uninformed, it is your responsibility to inform them or to not play with them. If consent isn’t fully informed, it doesn’t really count.
Consent is required, expected, and actively enforced in every aspect of the kink community. This is true both for playing with people, touching them, as much as it is for asking permission to hug someone or sit with them.
This is generally strongly encouraged to utilize in your day to day life as well.
Common Consent Frameworks –
RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink: being aware and informed of the risks before engaging in a kink activity/ “play”
SSC – Safe, Sane, Consensual: kink that is safe (or as safe as it can be), sane (in an alert/aware headspace), and consensual (agreed upon by all parties involved in the activity/ “scene”)
PRICK – Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink: engaging in informed, agreed upon kink activities in which those involved assume personal responsibility for their actions and any consequences that may arise
BORK – Balls Out Risky Kink: Kink play where there is an informed high risk of injury
Safewords – Agreed upon words that call for a pause in the kink activity, a check in, or the end of the activity. When choosing a safe word, it’s best practice to pick a word that would not come up in the scene. A common system used is the stop light system, which is usually universally known in public kink environments.
Stop Light System – Red -End of the activity immediately, transition to aftercare.
Yellow-Means a need for a check in, pause, or slowing down in the activity.
Green -Keep going, confirmation something is good and consented to
Safe Calls – Can take many forms, such as periodic check ins, scheduled check ins after a scene, or any other way to check in and receive help if necessary
People And Titles
These are common terms people may use to self describe, or may use to describe the interactions they are having with others and play they engage in.
A “Top” – is usually the one doing the action, rather that be hurting someone, the person who is physically on top during a sexual action or otherwise.
A “bottom” – is usually the one receiving the action, rather that be them being the one with rope on their body, or the person who is being physically under someone during sexual action or otherwise.
A “Switch” – Is usually someone who goes back and forth from topping and bottoming. This can be in different scenarios, types of play, different people or even in the same scene or with the same people. Sometimes called Vers.
These are typically forms of Power Exchange – Which is where it is clearly defined that one person is giving up control, or submitting to another person for an activity or relationship.
Common ”Top” Titles: Dominant, Sadist, Master, Owner, Predator, Mommy/Daddy/Caregiver, Alpha, Sir, Mistress, Dom/Domme
Common ”Bottom” Titles: submissive, masochist, slave, property, prey, little, brat, boy/girl, pet (puppy/kitten, etc)
So, in commonly paired groups: Dominant/submissive, Sadist/masochist, Master/slave, Top/bottom, Owner/property Predator/prey, Mommy+Daddy+Big/little+girl+boy, Handler+Owner/pet + livestock
This can be for a scene, or as an ongoing dynamic/relationship style. It is up to individuals how they want to define themselves and their relationship. You may also run into people saying Big Letter/little letter, or Left side/right side of the slash. This is another way to denote the person taking on the role of Top (Big letter, Left side) or the role of bottom (little letter/right side)
Roles
These are other roles or labels that you may run in to, that can exist outside of a power structure or be an aspect of one.
Big/Caregiver/middle/little – People who engage in age play or age regression, going into a younger/childlike headspace. “littles” tend to take a younger age headspace, “middles” are older but still childish, and “Bigs” or “Caregivers” are usually those who care for or engage with those in smaller headspaces. They sometimes use the roles of Mommy or Daddy.
Brat – Someone in a submissive role that exhibits defiant, teasing, rebellious, misbehaving demeanor with a degree of pushback towards their top.
Deity/worshiper/devotee – A power dynamic based on the submissive partner/s taking on a role of worship, reverence, admiration, and devotion for their Dominant. They sometimes use the roles God or Goddess.
Dollmaker/Doll – A Doll is someone who enjoys a specific type of objectification centered around being transformed into a doll, the Dollmaker is the person who dresses, plays with, and physically manipulates their partner like a living doll.
Dominant/submissive – A relationship that focuses on consensual power exchange between two people. The Dominant in a relationship usually takes on a role of authority, leadership or guidance to the submissive, who takes on a role of obedience, pleasing, or serving the dominant in the relationship. Can be feminine when written as Domme. This can vary in intensity and frequency but is generally an ongoing power exchange that exists outside of a specific scene and can be sexual or nonsexual depending on the individuals.
Edgeplayer – Someone who engages in high-risk play on either side of the slash.
Exhibitionist – Someone who enjoys being seen or watched by others to attract attention for sexual or emotional thrill. This can be in large or small groups.
Evolving/Exploring – Someone who is still learning and exploring kink.
Fetishist – Someone aroused by specific objects, nonsexual body parts or actions. These fixations are generally required for them to experience arousal and/or orgasm rather it be physically present or thought of.
Hedonist – A pleasure seeker or giver. Not always involved in power exchange.
Hypnotist/subject – Someone who practices hypnosis and brings people into suggestable states, and the person who is on the receiving end.
Key Holder – A dominant partner who controls their partners sexual stimulation and ability to orgasm, sometimes with the use of chastity devices.
Leader/Organizer – Someone in a kink community that manages events, groups, or spaces within the community on a local or larger scale.
Leather Person – A person who has a fetish for leather and/or adopts and engages in the traditions and protocols of traditional style BDSM that arouse out of the combination of gay male culture and motorcycle clubs. Common Titles are Leather -Daddys, -Mommys, -Person, -Bottom, -Boy, -Boi, -Girl, -Man, -Woman.
Masochist – Someone who enjoys and finds pleasure in receiving pain.
Master/Mistress/slave – A Master is someone who consensually takes ownership over another person they are in a relationship with. The slave is treated as property of their Master and is generally a total power exchange.
Mentor/mentee, student, trainee – A relationship built on learning, usually learning a specific skill (such as learning how to do a type of play like rope, spanking, ect) or sometimes a role people fall into when someone is new to the community. This is not always about power exchange, and generally the people involved in it do not have sexual or play relations with one another.
Pet – Someone who identifies in pet play as an animal or pet. They generally want to be treated like the animal they identify with, such as a puppy, kitten, fox ect. How this is approached can be very different person to person.
Pillow Princess – Someone who prefers to receive sexual stimulation rather than give it. Can sometimes be derogatory.
Primal – A style of play that involves removing “human” inhibitions and embracing wildness, animalistic instincts, behaviors and desires. Different than pet play as they generally are not playing as a specific animal or pet. People can be a Predator, where they hunt, dominate, overtake, or Prey where they are hunted and submit. This can be enacted by hunting, grappling, fighting, or gently, depending on the people.
Rigger – Someone who practices bondage, generally in reference to rope tops but can also include people who use chains, belts, or other materials to bind a person and potentially suspend them off the ground.
Sadist – Someone who enjoys and finds pleasure in inflicting pain.
Sadomasochist – A catch all for sadists and masochists, sometimes used to describe people who switch within the roles.
Sensualist – Someone with a focus on the pursuit of sensual pleasures, engaging in the physical sensations and stimulating as many of their senses pleasurably as possible.
Service Top – Someone who enjoys topping and does so for the experience of the other person rather than fulfilling a specific desire for themselves.
Sissy – Someone who engages in being feminized as a kink, this often includes humiliation.
Spanko – Someone with a strong interest, frequently a fetish, in spanking or being spanked.
Swinger – Someone who has sex with other people within and outside of their committed relationships, often times “swapping” partners with another couple generally while all in the same place.
Vanilla – A person without any kinks or fetishes, people who are not a part of the kink community.
Voyeur – Someone who enjoys watching others for sexual or emotional thrill. This can be a single person of interest or in a group setting.
Groups
There are some group’s that form in the kink community, with internal structures, dynamics, and meaning. These groups can look different depending on the people involved in it, and it is up to the individuals to negotiate and create their boundaries.
Family – A group of people who view each other as Chosen Family. Generally founded on the basis of care, support, love, and friendship.
House – Another variety of chosen family, though houses usually have a name and a shared kink interest. This may or may not look like people living in a physical house with one another, sharing a kink space, and can sometimes include the use of structured titles and dynamics.
Pack – Like a family, but the group typically engages in primal, pet, or ABO dynamics with one another.
Rope Family – Like a family, but specific to a group that engages in rope play.
Leather Family – Another type of chosen family, but the group usually has more of a focus on leather and the dynamics that are a part of leather culture.
Ageplay Family – A group of people who engage in ageplay and engage in a tight knit family dynamic, sometimes mimicking a traditional family structure with Mommy, Daddy, and littles, boys, girls, or siblings.
Polycule/Poly group – A group of polyamorous (or non-monogamous) people that have some level of involvement with one another. This can be several people in a relationship with one another, interacting with metamours, or otherwise. You can learn more about Non-Monogamy Here.
Types Of Play
These are common types of play you may hear people talk about or engaging in. This is not an exhaustive list, but a good baseline.
Ageplay – A type of play where someone acts in an age or role that is younger or older than their actual age.
Bastinado – A form of impact where the feet are tortured, commonly done with canes.
Blood Play – A type of play that focuses on intentionally interacting with someone’s blood.
Boot Play – Play that focuses on boots and the care, service, or worship of. Can include Boot Blacking, which is the act if cleaning, conditioning, and caring for ones boots.
Chastity – The abstinence from certain sexual activities generally enforced through equipment (such as cages or belts) that confine and restrict access to the wearer’s genitals. a Key Holder is generally the top who is in control of the bottom and frequently has the key to the locked device.
Chemicalplay – Using various materials that can be irritating, cooling, burning, numbing or otherwise on different parts of the body to induce sensation. This can be painful, sensual or otherwise. Common materials that can be used are ginger, menthol, and capsaicin.
CBT/Cock & Ball Torture – A type of play centered around inflicting pain, punishment, or torture on the penis, scrotum and/or testicles.
CNC – Abbreviation of Consensual Non-Consent, which is a form of roleplay between two or more people who have pre-negotiated acting out a scene or participating in sex that emulates a forced or non-consensual activity.
Cuckholding – A form of humiliation or voyeuristic play where a cuckold or cuckqueen is allowing their partner to engage in sexual activities with another person, frequently a focus of the play is that the other person is more sexually desirable then that of the cuckold.
Degradation – Engaging in mockery, insults, belittlement, or preforming degrading actions such as spitting, pissing, or cumming on someone as a means to insult someone’s personal worth.
Dollification – The process of transforming someone into a “Doll”, can include many other aspects and types of play to achieve this goal such as cosmetics, clothing, objectification, dehumanization, hypnosis or otherwise.
Edgeplay – A type of play that focuses on high-risk actions or activities. Different people have different definitions of what edge play is depending on their own personal risk profile.
Electroplay – A type of play focused on electricity. This can range from a gentle sensation of buzzing, to intense pain and fear. This is commonly done with violet wands, tens units, shock collars or other low current objects/toys.
Fearplay – A form of mental play where participants consent to being scared by physical or mental threats. This can be enacted within a variety of other types of play.
Figging – A type of play that involves putting skinned ginger into the anus to create an intense burning sensation. A type of Chemicalplay.
Fireplay – A type of play focused on using real fire, on or near a partner. This is often accomplished using fire wands, running fire over or near the skin, cupping, whips, or otherwise.
Footplay – Play focused on feet, this encompasses stomping, foot worship, tickling, sexual interaction and more.
Genderplay – A type of play that involves intentional manipulation of an individual’s gender. This can be cross dressing, sissification, detransition play, or otherwise. This can be exploratory, humiliating, validating or otherwise, and can engaged with from the top or bottom.
Humiliation – Play that focuses on the experience of humiliating someone or being humiliated, either in front of others or in private. This can include name calling, body writing, drawing attention to things that the person finds embarrassing or creating embarrassing situations for the person to be in.
Hypnosis – A type of Mindplay focused on hypnotic induction, the act of inducing someone into a highly suggestable state. This can be roleplayed (pretending to go into trance) or enacted, with a hypnotist bringing a subject into trance to play with them. This can sometimes be used to cause body sensations, altered head spaces, altered body sensation, or inducing triggers which can act as an after effect post scene.
Impact – A type of play that involves hitting someone, generally as a catch all term for other more specific types of impact. This can include spanking, caning, flogging and more.
Knifeplay – Play where a knife is present, either as a tool for sensation or to illicit fear, generally done with a dulled weapon as the goal is generally not to break the skin or draw blood.
Latex – Latex is generally worn as a fetishistic clothing. It is a rubber material that is generally shiny and can be worn tightly against ones skin, but also can be used to create toys and furniture such as inflatable choke collars or vac-beds.
Leather -Leather can either refer to the material which is often worn and fetishized, or adopts and engages in the traditions and protocols of traditional style BDSM that arouse out of the combination of gay male culture and motorcycle clubs.
Medicalplay – A form of roleplay or activities that involve medical aspects such as examinations, procedures, or medical devices. This can be combined with power differential, sensory play, humiliation, petplay or otherwise.
Mindplay – This is an umbrella term for types of play that deal with playing with the mind, such as erotic hypnosis, gaslighting, “mind fucks”, behavior modification or similar. The focus is altering ones mental state, mind, eliciting a variety of responses such as confusion, arousal, fear, euphoria, and more.
Mummification – A form of bondage focused on full body encasement. Sometimes accomplished with with plastic wrap, paper, or other materials.
Needleplay – A type of play that involves inserting needles into the skin. This can be used to create temporary piercings, inflict pain, make aesthetic designs or be combined with other types of play such as medical play.
Objectification -The action of degrading someone and treating them as an object. Sometimes literally using someone as human furniture, or just treating them as an object.
Petplay – An umbrella term for several types of play where a person is roleplaying as an animal or pet such as a kitten, puppy, pony or otherwise.
Primal – A style of play that involves removing “human” inhibitions and embracing wildness, animalistic instincts, behaviors and desires. Different than pet play as they generally are not playing as a specific animal or pet.
Raceplay – Play that involves a focus on ethnicity, race, and racial constructions or stereotypes. Some people may engage in the use of slurs, symbolic behaviors, degradation, worship or roleplay.
Religonplay – A type of roleplay that focuses on religious themes such as nuns, monks, altar boys, priests, gods, angels or demons. Sometimes involves the focus on blasphemy, sacrilege, repenting and worship.
Roleplay – An umbrella term for any type of play where individuals are acting out or preforming a fantasy situation outside of their usual personalities, settings or scenarios.
Ropeplay – An umbrella term for any type of play involving rope, such as rope bondage, floor work, suspension, or tying rope to be aesthetically pleasing.
Rough Body Play – A type of play that focuses on physically play fighting, sparring, grappling, pushing, punching, kicking, biting and hair pulling. Generally has a focus on body manipulation and play fighting.
Scat – Play with a focus on human feces or the excretion of, often fetishistic and sexual in nature but not always.
Sensory Play – An umbrella term for a gentler type of play that focuses on sensation, or taking away of sensation. This can involve sensory deprivation or overload. and using these in contrast to one another.
Service – A type of play focused on the completion of personal tasks for their partner or others such as cleaning, grooming, cooking, boot blacking, sex or topping.
Sounding – The act of placing a thin rod (usually surgical steel) into the urethra to stimulate internally. Most commonly practiced with penises but can be done with all anatomy types.
Tantra/Neotanra – A sacred sexuality practice that prioritizes presence, mindfulness, and connection over orgasm and physical release. Commonly includes intentional breathing, eye contact, delayed orgasms, energy play, and engaging with chakras.
Trampling – Walking, stomping, or applying pressure to someone’s body with bare feet or shoes of interest (often high heels).
Watersports – Play with a focus on urine or the excretion of. This can be utilized as a form of degradation, humiliation, sexual pleasure, or as a part of a roleplay such as Ageplay or Petplay.
Wax Play – A type of sensation play involving dripping or pouring wax onto someone’s body. This can sometimes be done sadistically or very pleasurably. The types of wax used are specific to this type of play and burn at temperatures safe for human skin.
Negotiations And Limits
Negotiations – The act of deciding what a kink activity will be, what/who it will involve, its intensity, and such factors for a “scene/play” or engaging in a kink activity. Done BEFORE engaging in the activity. Ex: negotiation for impact play will include discussing and agreeing upon intensity, implements, locations on the body, areas that are allowed to be touched and not allowed, any injuries a person might have that parties need to be aware of, any medical conditions that parties should be aware of, etc.
Limits – Things that a person will not do or want done to them, except sometimes when negotiated under specific circumstances or with specific people.
Hard limit – Something someone does not want to do (or have done to them) under any circumstances, ever.
Soft limit – Something that a person wants to do/ have done to them only under specific agreed upon circumstances or with specific people.
Short Term Limit – Something that a person does not want to do/ have done to them that they do want to do/have done to them after a specific, short term time span. Can be because of injuries or other temporary circumstances.
Living Documents – Can be part of negotiation, a written document that those involved both work on to keep track of desired or enjoyed activities, what is consented to, and the parameters of play. Generally for ongoing play partners and is often modified over time.
Contracts – Can be a part of negotiation. A written up document that those involved with the kink activity sign, showing agreement to the parameters of the planned kink activity. Can sometimes be a part of a scene for power exchange, but does not make it impossible to revoke consent at any time
Head Spaces And Aftercare
Head Spaces are a form of an altered state of mind in kink or play. These have a wide variety, and people can experience spaces differently from one another. Studies show that these head spaces come with changes in body chemistry, perception, time awareness, and inhibition. Sometimes similar to “flow states” people often report intense focus on what they are doing
Subspace – Often described as a “floaty, meditative” space a bottom may go into during play. This can have lowered pain perception/body awareness, increased sensation, inhibition, and emotional intensity.
Topspace – Often described as feeling empowered, in control, hyper competent, body aware. People sometimes report being more physically capable, graceful, or reaching flow states in this space.
Floating – Feeling disconnected from time or one’s body. Feeling mentally unburdened. Feeling far away or “high” during a scene or after a scene
Frenzy – Can be a Top or bottom, a craze for playing, wanting to do all of the things at once!
Aftercare – Agreed upon time after a scene for those involved in a scene to “come down” from the endorphin high of playing. Can take many forms such as snuggling, talking and getting reassurance, eating, a high five, etc. Aftercare must be a part of pre-scene negotiations and agreed upon by both parties. A Top may not want or be able to provide certain kinds of aftercare, or any at all, which is okay, but is also a valid reason for either party not to play with one another.
Drop – Negative feelings or emotional vulnerability of varying forms after play. Can present as crying, emotional sensitivity, numbness, exhaustion, feeling low energy or otherwise. This can be immediately after a scene or event, or even days afterwards.
Top drop – Drop after playing as the top in a scene.
Subdrop – Drop after playing as the bottom in a scene.
Partydrop/Condrop – Dropping after being in a play space, rather that be for a night or a convention even if you didn’t engage in play. This can be more intense after long weekends with multiple scenes or emphasis on dynamics. This can also to vanilla parties.
Acronyms
These are some common acronyms you may see or hear people use.
ABDL – Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
AFAB / AMAB – Assigned Female At Birth / Assigned Male At Birth
BBW – Big Beautiful Woman
CBT – Cock and Ball Torture/ Cunt and Breast Torture
CFNM – Clothed Female Naked Male
CMNF – Clothes Male Naked Female
CGL – Care Giver Little
CNC – Consensual Non Consensual: can be known as “rape play”. Play that pretends to be forced or non consensual but is actually consented to
DD/lg – Daddy Dom/ little girl (or boy!)
DM – Dungeon Monitor/Master
D/s – Dominant/submissive
JOI – Jerk Off Instructions
MILF – Mom I’d Like to Fuck
M/s – Master/slave
MD/lb – Mommy Dom/ little boy
OTK – Over The Knee, a spanking position
QPP – Queer Platonic Partner
STI / STD – Sexually Transmitted Infection / Disease
TK – Takate Kote: a chest harness rope tie that also restrains the arms/hands behind the back. Also called a box tie. Japanese in origin.
TG / TV- Transgender/ Transvestite
TPE – Total Power Exchange
YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay
Last Edited 12/4/2024